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I want what they had

Patient: My cousin died last year. He and I grew up together, hanging out on hot summer days, getting into trouble, fishin. Drank our first beer together. He died last year. Did I already say that? It about killed me. We were the same age. He had colon cancer. And [tears start streaming] his wife. She, well, she loved him. She was crushed. She wrote a paper that his buddy read at his funeral. She said she enjoyed everyday with him. That he was her best friend. That being with him gave her true joy. She was so lucky she found it. That’s what she wrote. I cried when I heard that. I cried like a baby. And I still cry when I think about that because…because. I want that. I want what they had.

JS: You want what they had. And thinking about that makes you cry.

Patient: Yes. Cause I’m pretty sure I’m gonna die without that.

JS: She loved him and she felt he loved her in return.

Patient: And if my relationship with Rachel doesn’t work out, I’m never gonna find that with another person. I’m out of time.

JS: You are here, crying and talking to me. You are alive. It feels from where I sit, that you have the gift of time.

Patient: What good is time if you don’t have your partner.

JS: Time is allowing you to find that love you crave. You may have already found it.

Patient: No. We aren’t there. We aren’t even close. She is always out just of reach. Aloof.

JS : But yet you stay with her year after year. And she stays with you. Do the two of you have your own “thing?” Is someone else telling their therapist right now “I want what they have?”




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